Say It Anyway
There’s a conversation you’ve been carrying. You’ve drafted it in the shower. You’ve rehearsed it in the car. You’ve told yourself you’ll handle it after the holidays, after the evaluation cycle, after things settle down.
Things are not going to settle down.
Ninety minutes. One method. And the words to say when it stops going the way you planned.
You’re not avoiding the conversation. You’re avoiding what happens ninety seconds in.
Most leaders can start a hard conversation. What stops them is the turn — the moment the other person cries, cuts them off, pulls rank, or says the one thing that makes you want to take it all back.
With no next sentence ready, you do what almost everyone does. You reach for one of these five:
Every one of these feels like leadership in the moment. Every one costs you the same thing: the problem stays, and now the person doesn’t trust you either.
The conversation you’re avoiding isn’t sitting still. It’s compounding — and the behavior you haven’t named has quietly become the standard you approved.
Your best people are watching what you tolerate and drawing conclusions about what you value. And you carry it home. That’s the part nobody puts in the leadership books — the tax you pay in your own body for the thing you didn’t say.
Ninety minutes. Three tools you’ll use Monday.
The Heat Check
Not every conflict deserves the same response. Tell a Blip from a Clash from a Crisis in under a minute — and learn why treating a Blip like a Crisis is how good leaders lose good people.
The Three Roots
Ideas, Interests, Values. Find which one you’re actually standing in, because a values conflict handled like an ideas conflict never resolves. It goes quiet and comes back bigger.
The C.I.V.I.L. Method
The five-step spine of the conversation: Clarify your intent · Identify the specific behavior · Validate the humanity · Impact with precision · Land on a clear path forward.
You will leave with the conversation you’ve been avoiding actually drafted. Not theorized. Drafted.
You don’t leave with notes. You leave with a kit.
The Phrase Bank
33 word-for-word lines across eleven moments: when they cry, when they interrupt, when they say it isn’t fair, when they outrank you, when they agree too fast. This is the piece people keep in a desk drawer.
The Script
A fillable conversation planner built on C.I.V.I.L., with a completed example beside the blank so you’re never staring at an empty page.
The Heat Check
One-page printable diagnostic. Blip, Clash, or Crisis — with the routing decision on the back.
The Naming Sheet
The documentation template, delivered as both a fillable PDF and an editable doc, so it goes straight into your file.
The full replay
Yours to keep and rewatch, for as long as you want it.
Certificate of participation
Ninety minutes, dated, for your PD log or recertification file.
- You supervise people and there’s at least one conversation you’ve been carrying for more than thirty days
- You’re a school leader, HR professional, or manager who’s tired of the sandwich
- You’ve been told you’re “too nice” or “too direct” and you’re not sure which one is true
- You’re new to leadership and nobody ever taught you this part
- You want scripts to win an argument. This is a mediator’s method, not a debate class.
- You want conflict theory. This is ninety minutes of application.
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Darryl S. Diggs, Jr., Ed.D.
I’ve spent twenty years in K–12 leadership — classroom teacher, assistant principal, principal, district executive — and I currently lead this work across 22 districts and 265 schools.
I hold a Missouri Rule 17 mediation certification, and I’ve been brought in to conduct formal conflict assessments for organizations that let something sit far too long. I’ve seen what it costs on the other end.
I wrote The Fire Within: When Purpose Meets Bureaucracy because I know what it takes to work inside a system that asks you to swallow things.
I’m not teaching you this from a book. I’m teaching you what I’ve watched work at the table, and what I’ve watched fail.
Before you register
Do I need the December session to take February?
No. They stand alone. They’re stronger together — December is the conversation, February is the aftermath — but either works on its own.
Can I attend if I’m not a supervisor?
Yes. Peer-to-peer and upward conversations are covered directly — there’s a full section on what changes when the other person outranks you.
What if I can’t make it live?
You get the complete replay plus every download. Plenty of people buy specifically for the kit and watch the replay on their own schedule.
Will I be on camera?
The session is recorded, but attendees are not on camera and chat is not published. Participate as much or as little as you want.
Is there a refund policy?
Yes — see our Refund Policy. [EDIT THIS LINE TO MATCH YOUR POLICY PAGE EXACTLY.]
Does this count for PD hours or recertification?
You’ll receive a dated certificate of participation for 90 minutes. Check with your district or HR body regarding acceptance.
The conversation isn’t going to get easier in January.
You already know what you need to say. Come get the words for what happens after you say it.